im better than your next one.

hi, i'm sarah. 18. VA tech class of 2016

570,807 notes

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via jesusfuckmechrist)

I am reblogging this specifically for the hilarity that is step 8. 

(via kathorsuxx)

YES omg just yes

(via in-freedom-we-find-sin)

Well…….

(via knitmeapony)

(Source: slambien, via hardlyshameful)

12,086 notes

callmekitto:

laughingsquid:

Dog’s Favorite Thing Is A Bottomless Red Bucket

what I love here is that at different points of the video the bucket clearly changes and that means that this family is very happy to provide their pup with More Bucket

(via size10plz)

18,195 notes

artvevo:

Swedish native Sophie Mörner and her friends took a day-trip to a park, setting up camp in the woods. Mörner captured the above photo early in the morning, her sleepers made up of friends, acquaintances and a few strangers all basking in the glow of the warming sun. The colors and composition become a painterly tableau, Mörner’s subjects lounging and oblivious as if in an enchanted slumber. For Mörner, the image represents the ultimate relaxation and harmony, lost in the moment to nature

artvevo:

Swedish native Sophie Mörner and her friends took a day-trip to a park, setting up camp in the woods. Mörner captured the above photo early in the morning, her sleepers made up of friends, acquaintances and a few strangers all basking in the glow of the warming sun. The colors and composition become a painterly tableau, Mörner’s subjects lounging and oblivious as if in an enchanted slumber. For Mörner, the image represents the ultimate relaxation and harmony, lost in the moment to nature

(via 1-800-blunts)

114,640 notes

Food doesn’t taste better or worse when documented by Instagram. Laughter is as genuine over Skype as it would be sharing a sofa. Pay attention. Take in nature, hold someone’s hand, read a book. But don’t ever apologize for snapping a photo of a sunrise after a hike, or blogging about the excitement of having a crush, or updating your goodreads account. All of these things are good and should be celebrated. Smile at strangers on the sidewalk and like your friends’ selfies. It’s all good for the human spirit.
cogitoergoblog on Facebook  (via fawun)

(Source: magicalmatt, via keepcalmandride-on)